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Funny New Year Resolutions

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Funny New Year Resolutions

New Year’s Resolutions endorse an old belief of mine – that the world is really a funnier place than we think.

I’m always curious about other people’s New Year’s Resolutions. It’s always interesting to know the way other minds work, and often enough it also endorses an old belief of mine – that the world is really a funnier place than we think.

Here are some resolutions, in no particular order, that I came across and found, well, interesting :

  1. I will not look at boys – 13 year old girl

  2. I will not tell the same story at every get together- Incorrigible bore

  3. I will eat ice-cream at midnight – every midnight of the year, I mean, not just this one – Ice-cream Connoisseur

  4. I will not let the dog hog the pillow, growl at me from the sofa, and snatch the bun from my plate – this year she’s going to learn that I’m the Alpha of the house and only I get to do certain things – Owner of untrained dog.

  5. I won’t worry so much – Fuss Budget

  6. I need to start worrying a little – The Merry Spirit

  7. I will cut my hair – Longhaired person

  8. I will grow my hair – Shorthaired person

  9. I will shave my head – Hairy person

  10. I will polish my pate – Bald person

  11. So many men, so little time – will make more time – Young Woman

  12. This year I’m going to be kind – Unkind Person

  13. This year I’m going to stop being so nice – Person who overdid it.

  14. I will quack like a duck first thing in the morning and last thing at night – Donald Duck Fan

  15. I will do less laundry and use more deodorant – Lazy and Smart Fellow

  16. I will stop considering other people’s feelings when they so obviously don’t consider mine – if that unwashed fellow sits next to me again, I’ll TELL him he stinks! – Diffident classmate of Lazy and Smart Fellow

  17. I’m going to learn cusswords in different languages – Expert Cusser in Own Language.

  18. I don’t need no STINKING resolutions! – Resolute Stinker

  19. If I see a UFO I won’t tell anybody about it – Spoilsport

  20. I will remember that Muffin Day is on the 29th of every month – Muffin Lover

  21. I will not tell lies – 10 year old liar.

  22. I will be more imaginative – 30 year old ‘Creative Person’

  23. I will rename my dog something really strange and long – Exotically Inclined Person

  24. I resolve to be nice to people without bringing Jesus into the equation – Secular Person

  25. With that cloned cow having given birth and everything, I resolve to pay more attention to where my food comes from this next year – Organic Eater

26.I hope to be able to make people think happy thoughts when they think of me – Goody Good Two Shoes

  1. I will go on long ego trips – Honest Egoist

  2. I will prognosticate that I will probably procrastinate engaging in all the objectives I have premeditated for this approaching twelvemonth – Honest Wordsmith

  3. I will have noble thoughts – Impure Thinker

  4. I will not puff my entire body to twice its size and screech in her ear after my human has finished watching a horror movie. – Pet Cat

  5. I will not bite the children of lawyers, no matter how much they chase me or how hard they pull my tail.- Pet Dog

  6. I’ll help the Green House Effect and stop throwing my rubbish into the school drain – Tween boy

  7. I will stop throwing water down from the top floor at our school at the people passing below – Tween boy

  8. I will not hang around girls – they think you love them and that sucks – Tween boy

  9. I will not let lose my bodily functions right when somebody is walking underneath – Crow on the topbranch of the tree

  10. I will flit gently into the night – Fruit Bat

  11. I will never squat again with my spurs on – Cowboy

  12. I will never again smack a man that’s been chewing tobacco – Cowboy

  13. I will remember that life is not about how fast you run, or how high you climb, but how well you bounce. – Experienced Bouncer

  14. I will remember it isn’t worthwhile wrestling with pigs – you get all muddy and don’t the pigs just love it! – Experienced Mud Wrestler and Pig Keeper.

  15. I will take neither myself nor any of the above seriously – Me

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